The 3R's of Femdom: Routines, Rituals, and Randomness

Enjoy his plan for pampering you
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I believe that a good FLR incorporates a combination of Routines, Rituals, and Randomness. This is what I refer to as the three R's of Femdom.

Routines make the Female's life easier and bring a structure to the relationship that adds meaning to the submissive's service. Routines are the day-to-day tasks and expectations that the submissive lives by.

Examples include doing the dishes, making her coffee each morning, and keeping her car filled with gas. For the Female, this makes life a little easier because she can set the expectations and let the submissive carry out the tasks for her. Her only involvement is to motivate or discipline him if he slacks off on his duties and to praise him (if deserved) for doing a good job with the routines.

For the submissive the routines provide a structure the makes him feel controlled and meaningful. Many men take comfort in performing routines assigned my their Mistress.

One gentleman I corresponded with told me that even when he is stressed at his work and short on time, he takes great pleasure in carrying out his routines, even if it means he has to stay up late or get up early to complete them. He enjoys that he is doing them to serve and please his wife. 

Rituals
Rituals are more formal and purposeful actions designed to reinforce his submission to the Female. A ritual often involves symbolic communication or actions that leave a mental imprint on the person involved.

Examples include kissing her feet each morning, Kneeling before her when she walks in the door, bathing her, or repeating a mantra each morning or night. Even stroking his cock a certain way while he stares at his Wife/Partner can be a ritual. Rituals can be daily, weekly, monthly, or on demand.

For example, the Female can at any time demand, "Worship my feet."

Rituals have a strong mental connection and through repetition push the submissive deeper into servitude while at the same time elevate the Female to a higher status in the subs mind. Those new to rituals may find them to be strange and awkward at first.

However, I would encourage you to give them a try. You may laugh and giggle at first but over time the ritual takes on a serious and almost spiritual tone. Rituals are a powerful tool for affecting a subs mental state over the long term.

Randomness
I believe that Randomness is one of the most important R's and is probably the one that is more often neglected in many FLR's. Randomness or variety not only adds "spice"" to the relationship but it also keeps the sub on his toes and uncertain about what to expect. Rituals and routines are important but without variety, they become boring and meaningless over time.

Randomness is often neglected in any relationship because it is easy to just keep things status quo. It is also easy to get caught up in everyday life activities and not spend time trying new things. Another challenge with randomness is coming up with new ideas. There are a several techniques that can be used to add variety into your relationship.

The first is keep it small and simple. Too much spice ruins the dish but a little spice goes a long way. You don't have to completely changed your routine. Look for little random things to try. Make him sleep naked for a week or wear panties out to dinner one night. Another idea is to create a new ritual that he has to do each week for a month.

With Thomas I like to change up his orgasm denial schedule. Most times he goes 6 - 8 weeks without an orgasm. Occasionally I will allow him an orgasm within a week of his last big O. Sometimes I ruin his orgasms and sometimes he gets a full blown orgasm. He never knows what to expect. It drives him crazy and he loves it.  For me it is a lot of fun to tease him this way. He has admitted that when I allow him a few frequent orgasms, it makes it much harder to go back to a longer denial period. I love that!

Randomness does not have relate to sex either. You can take a class together such as dance or art. You can switch cars for the day, decide to eat at a new restaurant once a month, or plan a day/weekend trip to get away.

The next technique is to plan out your randomness. It sounds contradicting to plan randomness but the truth is that if I don't spend time thinking about it, I probably won't do it. Some people are good at doing things on the fly but most are not.  

For me, looking at things month-by-month works great. I spend about an hour a month planning out things I can do. I pick the last weekend of each month to do this so that I can plan out activities for the next month. I will brainstorm a list of ideas. I've been doing this for awhile now so I already have a list that I work from.

Each month I'll review this list and pick a few things to try. I'll add to the list if a new idea pops up. For example, I decided for the first week of August that I would make Thomas hand wash my panties each night.

After the week is up, I would decide if it should continue. I also identified a weekend where nothing was on our calendar (rare find) so I instructed Thomas to plan a day of pampering for me.  Take note that he is the one planning the day and not me.  Being the Leader does not mean you have to plan everything. 

Part of my planning process includes highlighting a few ideas on my list that I want to implement. Then throughout the month I may give them a try. The plan I put together is more of an outline or rough sketch and not a 'must do' plan. As the month goes by, I will do things that are not on the plan and I may not do things that I put on the plan. The purpose of the plan is to keep me thinking about how to change things up and keep the spice going.

Often times I will do my planning while Thomas rubs my feet. He knows what I am doing and it excites him to know that I am planning things for him while he rubs my feet.  He is always fully aroused during this time.

If I see his arousal start to fade I may tease him a bit by saying something like, "hmmm...maybe we'll go panty shopping this week," or "I haven't worn my leather skirt in awhile." These comments always get an immediate rise out of him and get his mind spinning with wild fantasies. I enjoy that with just a few words I can make his cock immediately stands at a attention.

Generating ideas can be challenging for some people. To come up with new ideas you can try brainstorming. I have facilitated several brainstorming sessions in my job. The key to brainstorming is to not analyze or think about the ideas. Simply write down anything that comes to mind, no matter how crazy it may seem. 

Start with a topic and then let your mind go wild. Topics could include things like, Chores For him, Ways to Pamper Me, Ideas to Tease Him, or New Experiences For Us to Try. Once you are done, go through the list and pick out the items that appeal to you.

Another method for generating ideas is to read articles and blogs. Google different topics and key words and see what you come up with. You can also assign this to your slave. Have him research new things to do and come to you with the top 10 ideas. It's a good idea to give him some parameters of what to search for so that it does not turn into his fantasy list. Do you want him to come up with femdom ideas, new experiences, punishments, etc.

Incorporating the three R's into your relationship will help keep your relationship strong, meaningful, and fun.  Routines provide the foundation and structure to keep the FLR going on a day-to-day basis.

Rituals create strong emotional imprints that mentally push the slave deeper into submission and also elevate the status of the Female. Randomness creates fun and excitement, which prevents the FLR from fading away or getting caught up in day-to-day routines. 

I would love to hear how you incorporate any of the R's into your relationship. Please share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas.


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